yogas citta vritti nirodhah

happy new year everybody! ive been meaning to get back into my blog for i guess six days now. i have a lot of resolutions that im eager to share with you but ive decided not to treat them as other resolutions ive made have been treated. that may be why i dont feel particularly bad for waiting six days to come back. i think that reasons resolutions i make to myself always get kicked to the curb, or not necessarily that, but pushed under the rug id say is because i put very difficult circumstances on myself. i see them through but then when they are over i just cant wait to binge out on everything i denied myself. so this year, instead of going on a cleanse January 1st and giving up sugar and cheese and bread and booze and working out everyday for a month. i just decided to actually actively make lifestyle changes. if i gave up cheese and sugar and whiskey for a month, on February first id be out with a dark chocolate and brie sandwich chasing it back with a jameson ginger. if i tell myself to work out everyday and suppose one day it doesnt work out, i will berate myself about it until i ruin my own day. i dont need to treat myself like that, and putting expectations for a limited time and then going back to the dysfunctional habits (ie sugar and cheese) when im done isnt seeming to help my issues. instead ive decided to give up one thing at a time. now, it sugar, and its been a really hard week. and i remembered i was giving up sugar in the middle of chugging orange juice from the carton the other morning. instead of kicking myself in the ass about it, i just laughed it off and gave the oj a proper send off into the trash can.

once the sugar cravings are gone and i realize how wonderful i feel without it, i can have it in moderation whenever said brie and dark chocolate sandwich is made. but im not giving myself a time line, im just having a clearer awareness of what it does to my body and my health.

and then theres cheese and bread. everytime i go for a no bread thing, i find myself eating a croissant at eleven at night just to preserve my own sanity. instead of keeping it from myself, im just limiting the amount to bread i eat per day. none after sundown, like im a damn gremlin. but ive also been trying to reincorporate protiens and veggies into my dinner so that i dont feel deprived of food.

the first two days of the month i didnt even work out, not because i didnt want to but my schedule just didnt allow it. but this time instead of feeling guilty, i just sighed it out and continued to look forward to the next time i can practice yoga or pilates.

all my third chakra work is about power and feeling good enough for yourself. and most of the time i feel that i am the only one standing in my way to being the person that i want to be. putting boundaries around myself it seems is not the right path to freedom. believing in myself is. instead of giving myself thirty days to do this or that, ive decided my resolution is to believe i can do it. and its amazing how much better and confident i feel about everything.

i have a really good feeling about this year. unlike any other year ive stumbled through.

and i dont need a diet to tell me that. just a little faith.

i almost gave myself a heart attack on new years eve thinking of all the things i want to do this year and i cant force it i cant "wood" it out. if i have faith in myself all will happen. whether or not i post on the first. whether or not i turn into a gremlin. as long as i want it this time. instead of pretending to want it. as long as im embracing change, instead of retreating.

yogas citta vritti nrodhah
the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is yoga

the only thing that is in my way is my me. once i can settle my mind, everything else falls to place. i started reading the yoga sutras of patanjali yesterday and low and behold i found exactly what i was looking for.

"the entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude.
the entire world is your own projection. your values may change within a fraction of a second
if we remember that, we wont put so much stress on outward things"

"as the mind, so the man; bondage or liberation are in your own mind."
if you feel bound, you are bound. if you feel liberated, you are liberated.
things outside neither bind nor liberate you; only your attitude toward them does that.

let the liberation begin.