the biggest coffee ever

i just need a second to talk about my coffee. i hadnt had any for a week. and its monday morning afterall i decided to reward myself for what i thought was a successful last week with a small cup of it. im still trying to hold of on eating some stuff i want like im gonna hold of on cheese and bacon and also from making a batch of whiskey flavored cupcakes i found over the weekend. SOMEONE GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO MAKE THEM. so, of all places, i know, i went to the starbucks. and the real reason i went was to get at their organic vanilla soymilk that is super delicious. so im still really slow when it comes to sb lingo. and i dont have to fucking know what a what is in the starbucks world. they cater to me and they can kiss my ass if i call a tall a small. its a small. anyhoo. wooo im already juiced up on this coffee. so i go in and ask for a small coffee with some steamed soymilk in it. but i cant say that, i have to say tall soy uhhh tall soy and im trying to say misto. which is what you have to say instead of gimme my freaking milk steamed and im all like uhhh tall soy venti. and the guy is practically laughing at me smugly while trying to be helpful and explain to me that i just ordered a two sized coffee. so i tell him i need a "misto" and go about my way starting at the coffee cakes and drooling and what have you. so THEN... i got to pick up my coffee and low and behold i experience this thing ive heard people calling a "venti" coffee. and id only heard of it from huffington post and such revealing how insane it is and who would drink such a thing, do we really need a 20 0z coffee. etc etc. and then there it is in my hand. i started to tell them that this was not what i ordered, but running late for work and not wanting to be in the starbucks a second longer i said the hell with it and left. it wasnt until i actually left that i started to notice the massive size of the coffee that i was about to drink and i felt really funny walking down the street with it. i was almost expecting people to point at me saying under their breath. holyshit look at that crazy girl with one of those massive coffee things everyone has been talking about. rutabagas rutabagas harumf and such. and i do think some people did look. the fact that i was kind of holding it away from my body like it was a bug i had to put back in the garden or something staring at it wide eyed myself was probably not helping. and the whole time im thinking well brandi you can just drink your talls worth of coffee and chuck it. thats what you paid for. and the other half of my brain is like "oh no you dont wet blanket brain, shes gonna sit down and drink this whole freaking coffee, when does she not finish drinking something NEVER you can suck it." and here i am at work at the tail end of this coffee. i wrote this blog in 30 seconds. my head feels funny. happy monday. COFFEE. beware.