battling time at the beach

i went away last week. to north carolina to my favorite beach. my friend asked me, is it your favorite beach ever? better than greece? better than jamaica? and after i thought about it, laying on my back in the ocean, i thought absolutely. i dont know why i love wrightsville beach so much. maybe cause its clean and warm and ive lived there so theres a familiarity factor inside but it replenishes my soul. i went down to north carolina multitaskin like a freaked out new yorker. while trying to relax i was beaching, performing in a show, catching up with old friends and trying to help my friend plan her wedding at the same time. and i think what has happened to me? and then i decide to acknowledge what im feeling and attempt to let it go. because everything will be fine.

every morning my friend i was staying with would make a long leisurely breakfast. always healthy and make from scratch and vegetarian. one morning we had grits and hashbrowns, another morning baked eggs with brie and then another vegan tuna salad and fried green tomatoes. and when it was ready we would all sit around at her large kitchen table, grab hands for a moment to reflect where we were, and then eat. i couldnt remember the last time i had ever done that. well outside of brunch, which is something different altogether. but then id have certain urges. certain rushes to move. my mind still thought i had 17 different things to do like any other day in the city. your mind gets mushy when you go from doing 17 things a day to three. especially if those things are breakfast beach and brainstorming with a group of wonderful women, resurrecting a troupe for a weekend of expression and love.

once at the beach, a lovely 5 minute bike ride away, my mind was still going faster than it needed to. thinking of lines to memorize, books to finish, people to call. and then i realized that i think new york has warped my sense of time.

it happened again the next day when we were visiting old friends from chicago. they have a little boy, almost three and it was interesting to see their schedule. not one surrounded my different jobs and clients and classes but the schedule surrounding a toddler. making time for snacktime and naptime and pajama party time would definitely have to slow my mind down. i cant really imagine my mind wrapping around that although spending time in that mindset was very refreshing.

and at the same time i was doing brawdeville, getting to the beach on wednesday and opening a show friday should make me want to slow down time. and spending time with women i was very close with and hadnt seen in seven years made time even stranger, like time hadnt passed at all. but it was all going by so fast. i keep seeing images from the performances that will stick in my head like it was yesterday for the next seven years i think. watching gina and stephanie and their naked puppet show. seeing reflected images on a screen of an immense personal battle. singing again.

and then it was over. no more leisure eggs, no more missed naptimes, no more girl power and im standing in the middle of this party crying my eyes out and stumbling out the door. it was me trying to stop the moment and live in it while i felt like i was pushing myself to rush through the whole thing. it was confusing and sad and beautiful. and i finally just came to the conclusion that time is different wherever you are and whoever your with and slowing it down is the best thing for you. the best for your soul.