apples

i got to meet rodney yee and his wife colleen last night.  they had a workshop at my yoga studio and it was so cool that he was there.  i really wanted to tell him that he was my first teacher.  10 years ago in north carolina  in my living room, i  put on one of his yoga videos.  it was my first practice.  so i wanted to just thank him for being who he was and being inspiring enough to get me to where i am today in my practice.  but i was shy,  and i didnt say that stuff. i just said hello, and my name and thankyou for coming.
the workshop was sold out and i was manning the lotus desk,  but sheri,  one of the teachers in the studio asked me to do her a favor before she went into class.  she had spent all afternoon in the farmers market buying fruit.  apples,  pears,  and the first grapes of the season,  and she asked me if right before class would end if i would cut them all so theyd be fresh when it was over and not all browned.  i said yes of course.  but then i started to panic.  im a lefty and i dont really do anything gracefully.  i dont know if ive ever cut fruit for anything that was supposed to look pretty.  im a hacker of sorts.  so as the clock wound down i started getting anxiety about cutting this fruit.  i asked my friend to stay and help me,  but she had a term paper.  i asked my other friend but she had other things to do.  so i just sat myself down and realized that i was going to half to do it myself.  but what if they were terrible and all mangled and all these blissed out yogis wondered who had butchered their fruit. i have to cut apples for rodney and i dont know if im good enough.

but then i remembered something that the same teacher sheri had said in her kali stomp class the weekend before.  she said,  whenever life seems a little overwhelming and your thinking about all the things you have to do in your day,  instead of saying "i have to do this today..." switch it out to "i GET to do this today.."

i had been trying to say that everyday this week and i guess at that moment I had just lost it.  so instead of saying "i have to cut these apples."  i said "i get to cut these apples" and then i cut them and they were delicious and beautiful and it was fine.

little changes like that make all the difference in life sometimes,  and it takes practically nothing to do it. its just all in your head and controlling your breath,  your mind is all thats needed.  i was the only thing in my way last night.  and once i just let go,  it was okay.  and thats kind of how life is right?  just let go and everything will be fine...and delicious.  thanks sheri