finding middleground in the wind

This blog is really hard.  This week has been so much living here in New York.  Last weekend was my birthday and I dont even want to mention it,  because some of my friends still dont have power in their homes.  I had a wonderful time and made mistakes and grew and learned more about myself like I do always on my birthday but I feel guilty mentioning it because of the carnage that rampaged through my city.  So here I am,  in Brooklyn.  I was fortunate enough to not loose power and my house wasnt flooded.  Ive been sitting at home watching the news and drinking cheap white wine for the past 4 days and that also makes me feel terrible.  I try not to be negative or self loathing at least in public and I guess this all has a point.  Im being honest,  Im unsettled and after a few days Im trying to bring myself back together and Ive been perfecting a blend that this morning finally seems to have brought me back towards balance.

I have a lot of things to be grateful for.  Before Sandy I didn't  think the list would start with,  my house didnt blow away or all my friends are okay.  That sort of thankfulness is embedded in me but now its raging on my forehead, along with a hangover.  That being said,  little acts of kindness as well as great ones make up the same amazingness.  My mother gave me a card with Johnny Depp on it for my birthday because she knows me and that is amazing.  My friend Francesca gave me a private yoga class for 90 minutes that left me in tears afterward.  My friend Julie made me a bracelet made from seashells she picked up in Thailand for me.  My friend Heather filled her house with balloons for me.  My love RJ gave me a cake with my name on it.  All those things and more happened and I couldnt ask for a more amazing group of friends and family.

Afterwards, the hurricane was immediately here,  we barely made the curfew on Sunday after a drag queen filled boozy brunch and settled into what turned into a week vacation inside my apartment.  It had been so long that I actually had more than a few hours in my apartment I didnt really know what to do with myself. Its amazing to see the patterns my brain has.  The first day I did nothing.  The second day,  nothing still.  The third day I realized I should be doing all the things that I say I have no time to do like organize tons of old jungle music collecting dust in my bookcase or get out my winter clothes.  But I still did nothing,  my brain was fried, the news was on and the reality of the way my mind works set in.  If Im not super busy,  Im a little brain dead.  I guess I dont want to read my book unless Im on the train going somewhere.  I dont want to organize if I have all the time to do it.  I dont have a lot of middleground in my brain.

But this morning,  I woke up and decided today would be different. I needed to get back on track and blogging was first on the list but before I blogged I finished up a blend I have been working on and wearing it has made today a lot better.  Its a blend for grounding when you feel windy and its promotes creativity when you feel a little brain dead.  It is a blend of jasmine and vetiver which came through the beautiful mind of my friend Christina and Ive named it for her,  and you.  Its called Muse.


Jasmine is most applicable for the kind of depression that results from unconscious restraint and repression. Like rose and lavender oils it both relaxes and supports the Qi energy of the heart which calms the nerves, releases tension and uplifts the spirit. Its linked with the second chakra and not only is very sensual,  it is very CREATIVE.  The scent liberates the imagination.

Vetiver is cool and moist.  It clears excess heat and is also a good anti inflammatory especially with rheumatoid arthritis and psoriasis.  Its very nourishing,  strengthening and grounding,  it nurtures the body's Yin aspect and helps to restore us.  On a psychological level,  it relaxes the overheated,  hyperactive mind and nurtures insecurity  and lack of self identity.  It centres and reconnects us to ourselves and our bodies.

Seasonally,  autumn is a time to begin getting ready for winter(or hurricanes) Its a time when you make some soup(or grab everything you can out of the corner bodega) and stay home to stay out of the cold(and mass destruction)sleep and kick out the cold(and 100mile wind) The oils work the same.  Jasmine promote warmth and combat depression.  Vetiver is connected with the root chakra and restores our Yin energy,  the kind needed the most in the winter.

Im wearing it and preparing for trying to get back into the city and work tomorrow without feeling like the hurricane swept away my mind. And remembering to be grateful for anything big or small.